Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I will be naked everywhere
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
do nipples grow back?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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