You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
