Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
