U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
dude. I can hear the air.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize