found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
