When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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