Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
