Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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