u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
