i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
