I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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