You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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