if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Your cock deserves a montage
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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