You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
