i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
