there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
