It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
