Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
