your parents love me but you hate me
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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