Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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