i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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