Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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