I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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