Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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