college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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