my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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