Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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