i jhust puked up my retainher.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
