WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
