I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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