You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
