For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize