I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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