Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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