gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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