Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
