I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize