I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
