So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
