Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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