I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
