I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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