The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
