I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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