I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
