you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
