Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
