As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
