i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
