The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize