He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize