Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize
