I wish you could order shots online.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
