my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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