so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
