The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
