You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
