yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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