i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
