shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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