So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
