I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
