I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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