What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Randomize
