His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
