Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
