Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
