I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
