dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
