I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Less talking, more tequila
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize