Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
