That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Randomize
