how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
