R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The adults are the big ones right?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
