Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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