You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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