so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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