my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize